Life little lessons –9
One of the major problems in dealing with relationship issue is expectation. If a person fails to live up to your expectation, you either lower your expectation in order to maintain the relationship or you will find that your relationship with that person has been strained. Where do we get the expectation? Expectation is being developed over time by our experiences in life and ultimately become part of our value system. We project expectation on a person because we believe that person should be able to do it if we can do it. Broken relationship is the result of unfulfilled expectation. Expectation also affects how we act or behave among people. In a social context, we often modify our behaviour so that we can brand in the environment we are in. Meeting expectation of others is a learned survival skill. Trying to meet expectation of others will produce artificial relationship – a relationship based on cost and benefit. If the relationship cost us more than the benefit that we receive, we will end the relationship. Genuine relationship is hard to come by. Genuine relationship is built on love as expressed in 1 Corinthians 13.
Can we have a relationship without expectation? The simple answer is no. All relationship will come with expectation. God invited us to establish a meaningful relationship with Him despite of our shortcomings. We can come to God just as we are. We can approach God just as we are because of His promise and what Christ did on the cross. Nevertheless, God does have expectation that we accept Him and believe in Him. He also expects us to have a trusting relationship with Him through respect and love.
Walter
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I know what you are saying Walter, but how far should we go to lower our expectations to compromise and accept the disappointments resulting from the other person not living up to our expectations - and how long should we continue to lower our expectations? the quick and short answer is - until there is NO expectation anymore!!
ReplyDeleteCan we have a relationship without expectation? Your answer is no but when I think about it, the answer is yes because I am living in one right now with our Church. My expectation is getting lower and lower but on the other hand God's expectation on us does not change from day one. There is a Chinese saying......... the greatest sadness is the death of your heart.
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me that there are three different kinds of love:
ReplyDelete1. I love you BECAUSE ....... you are wealthy and can fulfill all my needs for the rest of my life.
2. I love you IF ...... you promise to love me back with all your heart for the rest of my life.
3. I love you REGARDLESS ..... in sickness and in health, in richness and in poor, no matter where, even after death.
Example one and two are "conditional" love that the world values. Example three is the "unconditional" love that can only come from God and is clearly demonstrated to us when his son Jesus was put to the cross from our sins. We are taught to obey and learn to love Him and others as stated in I Corinthians 13. It is not easy, unless the person is so filled with the Holy Spirit that the fruit of the Spirit becomes amplified in their lives. However, according to Peter Chapman's sermon, we were not asked to love a church, only God and others. Does it mean that there should be no expectations on the church, only the leaders? Are we expected to love the leaders unconditionally even when it becomes a one way street? Is it not wiser to start a new relationship some where else where we can start afresh rather than struggling along endlessly?